it's no surprise that the recent prayers for our baby have increased....or that the recent heaviness on my heart has coincided with the baby boom among my friends and zachary's anniversary of life.
plain and simple: i just really want a baby.
as if you didn't already know that.
there's something about the chaos that a newborn brings that seems so enticing.
i want all of it.
i'm incredibly happy for my friends. i love them...and i love their kiddos. but, fear creaps up and speaks words of doubt to me...doubt that i'll ever have my own to hold...doubt that i'll ever be able to have playdates...
doubt. it stinks.
enough said about that.
sometimes, a "congratulations" is painfully similar to an admission of the things i don't have...and it's painful to admit you want "more" out of your life (if that makes sense.)
the overwhelming positive i find is that God uses everything.
literally, nothing is wasted...
i love that.