"The deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able honestly to pray what He taught His disciples to pray:

'Thy Will Be Done'."

~Elisabeth Elliot

Monday, April 4, 2011

hope in pain

i remember going back to work after zachary passed away...

...i was there, but i wasn't there... i felt as though i was living in some other alternate universe where all i felt was pain and no one noticed...it seemed life went on for every one else...because when does life ever stop?? wouldn't it be nice to just pause life when tragedy strikes? but usually, the demands of life keep us forging ahead, however fake our attempt may be to get through the day.

...i've realized recently that although i felt very alone...i know (i KNOW) that i never was. life can't stop, but it doesn't mean people weren't thinking of me, praying for me,

sighing on my behalf....

...i realized this the last couple of weeks watching my father after he lost his twin brother. my heart desperately hurts for him and i miss the connection he had with him. part of me wishes life would stop so that my dad knows how much we are sharing in his pain...because i know for him, he's probably feeling the same way i did.

i'm so thankful that Heaven is for real! it's not an imaginary crutch used by people grasping for some positive outlook when dealing with the issues of losing someone...it's a REAL place...where my REAL God lives...and i can't wait to see it all.

in my mind, i long to be there to see zachary again...but i really believe that once i'm there, seeing him will be a minor attraction of heaven...i think i may just be distracted by meeting Jesus face-to-face. it's a comfort knowing that zachary KNOWS Jesus...he even knows His face...and that's cool to me...the same is true for my uncle.

...can't wait to see them both again.


cheryl said...

Beautifully said!!! as always!!!xoxo

Sarah said...

This is so beautiful. A friend of mine passed away last week and this was very comforting. Instead of focusing on her being gone, I'm going to focus on her being with Jesus :)

Natalia said...

Wow, Jaclyn! I could so totally relate to your words. When Alex died, I went to work, too, and felt very similar things. You have a talent of putting in words what a lot of us feel. Thank you for sharing it with the world.