"The deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able honestly to pray what He taught His disciples to pray:

'Thy Will Be Done'."

~Elisabeth Elliot

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

loving & loss

i always expected it to be hard to love our second baby knowing the pain of losing our first...

it's not.

i almost feel like we love Mykenzie with all the love we would normally have had with the additional lifetime of love we would have given to Zachary. we decided early on, that loving less doesn't mean hurting less or even being scared less...and if something was to happen, i'd rather know that i loved her with my whole being every single day...and so that's what we do...we tell her we love her, we get giddy excited over ultrasounds, tutus, and pink things...we wait to feel squirms and kicks...we make plans for her nursery...we make plans for our future...

i'm 20 weeks this week and i'm starting to feel the anxiety creaping in...but i'm confident still that 20 weeks means i'm half way there...and NOT almost done.

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