taste. feel. touch. sound. sight.
it's amazing how God designed us with senses that help us take advantage of His creation...we can witness a flock of birds bursting out of a tree, aligning themselves into the perfect "v" formation....we can be brought to another country by tasting the palette of flavors in any cuisine...we can be reminded of our childhood teddy bear by brushing our skin up against a familiar texture...
i love that the smell of my lipgloss brings me back to the nicu...i obsessively applied my lipgloss while in the nicu and the smell of it now reminds me of the days that zachary was still here with us...i refuse to switch flavors and i don't know what i'll do when Bath & Body no longer makes it...
i hate the smell of purell...it reminds me of how much i had to un-contaminate myself before even seeing him...it just reminds me that i didn't get to hold him...BUT, it also reminds me of how excited i use to feel knowing that washing our hands in the scrub down room meant we were going to see him.
i love that there's a small part on nate's forehead that feels just like zachary's....it's the part right before the hair line that has that baby hair feel...
i love that i have pictures to help remind me of those days....
but i hate that staring at them can never bring him back. i can stare at the only picture i have of me kissing zachary on the forehead, but nothing can bring me back to that kind of physical closeness with him (while i'm still here on earth, of course...)
today kinda stinks. i miss my little man...
i'm thankful for my senses that bring me back to him.
1 comment:
Jaclyn, I know all about these days. There will always be times, days or weeks, when your heart will ache for your little boy. What helps me is to remind myself of where he is...Heaven! Trevor and Zachary are in their own little mansions, playing and laughing without a care in the world. Although we are "left" on Earth without our sons, God has had a greater plan for them, and us, since before all of creation. So cherish the moments you had with Zach, but live in peace knowing he is in good hands. The best hands he could possibly be in! God bless and I hope your day is easier tomorrow.
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