"The deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able honestly to pray what He taught His disciples to pray:

'Thy Will Be Done'."

~Elisabeth Elliot

Monday, February 8, 2010

notes to self; prayers to God

last night, i perused the pages of the Bible i was reading a little over 2 years ago....it was a brand-new Bible at the time; but now it's torn...passages are underlined....notes are written in the side column.

it brought me back to a time that i hungered to be in His Word....i needed it....i needed it to focus my mind....to give me pure material to meditate on....to keep me on the right path....to ruthlessly trust my Saviour.....to convince me that His plan is better than mine.....to remind me that He isn't finished with me yet.

it dawned on me that 2 years ago, i felt the farthest from God that i ever have before that time; but the pages of my Bible prove otherwise. the words i wrote weren't words of someone who was not close to God....or didn't know Him....they were the words of someone who was clinging to Him.

those dark days were intimidating and honestly, some days i would have rather died; but how much more i appreciate His Light and life now! Jesus came to give us life and life MORE abundantly!

today, the Bible i use has very few underlined sections...very rarely do i see a note....i'm not saying that this is a mark of a non-growing Christian...i'm just noticing that my darkest hour was the hour that Jesus shined brightest.....and although i felt that God was not near, it seems He was right there all along.

2 comments:

JenJen said...

I have often thought, though I have questioned why me after losing Lily, that I feel closer to God...and, I know that He was holding me through my tears.

Trevor's Mama said...

I have definitely noticed the same thing. When we ourselves think we can't go on or there's no reason to live, Jesus shows us that we can. The Word of God has helped me in more ways than I can even imagine, and I too have clung to Him for dear life during the not so good times in my life. It was so refreshing to read this post and remember why I am as strong as I am. Praise to our Savior!