answers

ever ask God something over and over and over again and wonder what the answer was?

i have.

i've asked God why He took Zach from us...and although there are many reasons that i know now, i don't think i'll have a complete perspective until Heaven...

sometimes answers come in the form of a test result...

sometimes they come in a form of answered prayer...

this time, mine was a combination of both!

this week, i got answers to "why aren't you giving me a baby?!"

...and i'm blown away by His sovereignty...

because by NOT answering that prayer the way i wanted,

He DID answer a different prayer of mine!

to protect my future baby.

when i think about the last two years of trying...

when i think about all the disappointment...

all the tears...

all the anger...

all the jealousy...

it's seems kinda silly!

because He knew better to answer the more important prayer.

none of those emotions would compare to the tremendous pain of losing another child,

which is what likely could have happened if i went untreated.

it's a really different feeling to be thankful that i didn't get pregnant the last two years.

after all the different treatments i tried that really should have worked...

they didn't...

and there's a perfectly good reason for it!

now, to fix the root problem!

Thank you, God for your answers...

and for showing me bits and pieces of your plan

even when You don't need to clue me in.

Continue to guide and lead us in our journey.

We put our trust You.