the question

i can hear it coming before it's even spoken...the question that is inevitably asked after meeting someone new...it always happens after a series of other common, "safe" questions...

so, where do you live?
how long have you gone to church here?
oh, you are married?
how long have you been married?
oh!! six and half years?!?!

and then here it is--

do you have any kids??

errr....this question is not meant to be a trick question, but for some reason, Nate and I don't always know how to answer it. the fact is, he's a father and i'm a mother....but we aren't a mommy and a daddy anymore...

we could answer "yes" but then that launches a series of other questions...

how many do you have?
boy or girl?
how old?

we could answer "no" but then that leaves us with this nasty, guilty feeling that we denied zachary's existence and his very prominent belonging in our lives!

we could answer "yes, he lives in Heaven", but that opens us up to a serious and possibly emotional conversation with someone who is most likely a complete stranger.

sometimes the answer depends on the situation and setting...my answer might be different talking to a stranger in the aisle at Target then someone who just lost a loved one.

tonight, we answered "no" and it hurt....and i hated it....and i miss him.