we joke that i grew up living in a cocoon..."the cocoon years"...years of hideous outfits, puffy, short hair, horrible teeth that were too big for my face, bad choice of glasses...oh, the list could go on and i have school pictures to prove it (although i've noticed that the year my "cocoon-ness" peaked, there's no picture to prove it...was i too busted to justify the money spent on that picture?!?! :)
although i gained control of hairstyles and eye wear, and my face fortunately grew to fit my teeth....i still always felt sorta dorky. i grew a TON between 6th and 7th grade! i was one of the shortest kids in 6th grade and that summer i became one of the tallest in my class. i had to be on the back row of our class picture with all the boys. i ALWAYS thought i was fat!!! ALWAYS! that's a ridiculous notion now that i look back at pictures of myself! i think i thought this because of who i was comparing myself to...other girls that had completely different body types than me...i was always thin in highschool, but i was tall...so that automatically made me feel awkward and larger than i was in reality.
anyways! i was thinking about how the perspective i have towards my body has changed as i have grown up...my body went from something that i compared to others and never thought was good enough to so much more.
after i had zachary, i realized that my body was a home for my child. it's pretty sobering to realize that God gave us the ability to nuture life right inside ourselves. so, i stopped comparing my body and started trying to make it the best home it could possibly be.
after realizing my difficulty with growing our family, my perspective changed again. my body is a temple. seriously, the Holy Ghost dwells inside me! what?!?! this has been a spiritual battle even more than it's been a physical one.
so, of course, i'd still like to be a size 6 some day...i'm a girl! my personal expectations will always be there! but, i've noticed motivation has definitely changed. i want to be different, but not because i think i'm not good enough "as is"...but because i want to be the best "me" for my baby and my God. i want to be healthy to be able to nurture my baby...i want to be strong so i can use my body to it's fullest capacity...i want to maintain health so that the time i spend living is quality...i want to have energy to do things for God...
p.s. i haven't had burger king, mcdonalds, dunkin donuts, wendy's, taco bell, or kfc since MARCH!!! if you know my old eating habits, you know this is a huge achievement :)