updates, let downs, pick me ups...and all the other directions

So...I figure now is as good a time as any to update BlogWorld on all my "plans" etc...

Some of you already know, but I've been working on a kinda non-profit idea for a while called "No Life Too Small"...see the blog here... you can get the main idea from the NLTS blog, but let me add a little more personal sidenote: I can't wait for this thing to take off and get officially started! I know that it will be such a blessing to me and I can only hope that it will be a blessing to those who are recipients of our efforts! So, I have a TON of flannel fabric in my house...like, bolts and bolts of flannel fabric!! It needs to be cut, washed and sewn into blankets that measure 18"x18" (a little big for a premie, but just the right size for premie OR full size baby :) Planning a sewing party soon so if you want to get involved and you can sew (only basic skills are necessary) let me know!! We need to make a lot of these little blankets in time to celebrate Zachary's birthday on October 26th....I can't believe it's already almost been two years! Did I mention that inside each blanket is a little handwritten prayer for the baby that receives the blanket?? That's my favorite part of it all!!!! So, check out the blog and email me if you want to help us sew!

Also, I've been looking for some "direction" in my life as far as careers blah, blah, blah.... Looked into going back to school and found out I was still a freshman (which was pretty sad if you ask me)... After some deliberation, I made the decision to pursue Wedding & Event Planning!! I'm pretty excited about it...although, also a little scared considering there was a financial investment to take the certification course, but mostly excited!! Can't wait to be self-employed, creative, organized and a snazzy dresser.... Do I have a dream in my head of being like Jennifer Lopez in The Wedding Planner movie? Of course! I mean, she gets huge accounts, wears a fanny pack full of all the necessary equipment to make an event run seamlessly...and let's not forget the super awesome walkie talkie!!! My study books should be mailed out today and now it's an 8-10 business day wait....

Speaking of waiting...I'm getting awful good at it! We are still waiting for the news of Baby #2. Urgh! My dr in her medical wisdom thought it would be best to refer me to a specialist in the field so I'm currently in the overwhelming, anxiety inducing procedure of setting up additional tests and appointments. Have I ever mentioned that I hate doctors...and tests...and more importantly, examinations?!?! Not happy about not being able to see my dr and having to meet an entirely new person (why did I use the word "entirely" there? like I could meet a half of a person??...not changing it now) So, bottom line: I'm not excited at all about the extra "work" that is necessary, but will do anything to make it happen! Well, almost anything! Not looking for sextuplets....just one...or two....ok, and maybe three, but we'll see how it goes!

I keep trying to find lessons in my life and sometimes I feel like there is a TON, but really I come back to the same one and all the others are like mini-variations of the main lesson....GOD HAS A PLAN FOR ME! So, if the lessons of my life are set up in outline form, it would look like this :)

I. God Has A Plan For Me
A. Trust His Plan
B. Do Not Force My Plan
C. My Plans Are Tentative
D. Do Not Rush His Perfect Timing
E. His Plan and His Timing are Perfect


Get it? There's no Roman numeral II...it's just more and more of Roman numeral I.

I might not be super excited about this plan that He's concocted for me at this point, but I know that His plan is PERFECT and I need to rejoice in the fact that He's in control of my future...because of this, I have a HOPE that is unwavering...even when I feel sick to my stomach and can't breathe :)

what a little model!

Here's a sneak peek of Jayden's first professional photo shoot...the rest will be coming soon...

Shout out to Shari who took these awesome pictures!! Head over to her website and check out her talent.... www.imagesbyshari.info

jayden....duh, what else would i blog about?!

Tuesday, I signed the back of my paycheck and started writing "Jayden" instead of "Jaclyn"....guess you could figure what I'm thinking about....constantly...

Have you noticed the similarities between my name and his? Maybe he was subconsciously named after me!!?

If Jayden's name was spelled J-a-d-y-n it would look a lot more like my name because my "c" and "l" would fuse together and make a "d" :) We should look into getting it changed legally.

I told my Dad that Jayden was named after me and he replied, "His initials are J.C...he was named after Jesus"...haha

I'm not gonna clean my room until the next time I have a baby...everyone is cleaning Jill's house, organizing, buying groceries, bringing over dinner....this is the life...her house is now cleaner than mine and she has way more food...

Here's a list of things that I love about Jayden so far:

1. his nose
2. his chin
3. his lips
4. his eyes closed
5. his eyes open
6. his fuzzy head
7. his left ear
8. his right ear (they look diffferent)
9. his tongue
10. the way his mouth looks so clean
11. the way he yawns
12. his little neck
13. the way his chest inflates when he breathes
14. the way you can feel his breath on you when you are near his face
15. his back
16. his bum
17. his little diapers
18. his little clothes
19. the shape of his head
20. his new baby smell
21. his toes 1-10
22. his fingers 1-10
23. how he squirms while he sleeps
24. how he puckers his lips
25. how he makes Jill and Eric so happy

It's so easy to love him.

He's HOME!!

Jayden week continues

This is a poem I wrote for my sister and read at her baby shower....Her bridal shower was a fairytale theme so there's a little bit of that in here to make it seem like the sequel....I also read a poem at her bridal shower...

Anyways, Here it is....


As young children, I think that most would agree
Our favorite place was reading stories up on Mommy's knee
We've heard of the beanstalk and the three little pigs,
Hansel and Gretel and the wolf, bad and big
But maybe someday, when baby is grown,
He'll ask you the story of how he became your own...

It all began way back when Mike and Cheryl said "I Do"
And let's not forget Gloria and Camille who shared their vows too
Relationships continued and love did abound
And several years later discoveries were found
Mike and Cheryl had Jill
Gloria and Camille had Eric
Little did they know, they started a love lyric.
Eric and Jill finally met. God's plan was clear.
Jill's Prince Charming was finally here!
They had a fairytale wedding-Jill looked like Cinderella!
(Even Eric kinda looked like a handsome young fella')

Often times in a book, the story ends there
But "Happily Ever After" is no where near
There's more to the story. There's more to be told.
It's the story of the arrival of a baby to hold.

Just a short time later, there was a stirring inside.
The baby was so small but LIFE could not be denied!
Little Baby was there just the size of a bean
The love of a mom was easily seen
Headaches, Nausea, Cravings and all
It wasn't long 'til that belly wasn't so small!

Around the 18th week, there was news to enjoy
All the parts were present to make a baby a BOY!!
It's a boy! It's a boy! We can't wait to meet
Little Jayden St. Onge and his cute, little feet!

The next months were filled with such anticipation
As we all looked ahead with great expectations
Our new roles as Auntie, Grandma and Mom
Bring great responsibility to keep Jayden from harm
To love him the most with kisses and hugs
To showcase his face in frames, calendars and mugs
To kiss boo-boos on fingers and bandage his knees
To make sure he eats all of his carrots and peas
To train him up in the way he should go
And be a good example so in Christ he will grow

It won't be long now 'til we finally see
The perfect addition to our family
Being a mom is a calling- the highest there is
And Jayden is so blessed that you are his
Enjoy the gift he has already been
And when he arrives- oh, the hearts he will win!

God gave you a miracle-a gift from above
And now we have Jayden all because two fell in love.

The End....or just the beginning...

Jayden is Here!!!

Jayden arrived at 2:41 this morning, May 4, 2009!!! He is 6 pounds even and 20 inches long...He is a seriously handsome, little guy!!

See what I mean?

I think it's going to be difficult to spoil him the most...a lot of people already love him!

Especially these guys :)

Congratulations to Jill and Eric!!

I was very excited to get the call on Sunday morning from Jill telling me that I could come in the Labor Delivery Room...I was beyond honored and excited!!! I'm so impressed with Jill's strength and endurance...If you ever get the opportunity to get in that room, DO IT! It's not only educational, but also incredibly awesome to witness that kind of miracle!!!!

Jayden, you rock and I love you! Happy Birthday!

Jayden is Coming!!!!!!!

I'm very pleased to announce that Jayden Christopher St. Onge, my handsome nephew, is on his way!!

I'm thinking about declaring this week "Jayden Week" so that I can share all the fun Aunt things I'm learning...so stay tuned! There's plenty of cute pictures coming soon!

Check out this funny video of my sister!! We were cracking up!!! The nurse was trying to get the contractions started back up and it worked!

More pictures when he arrives later tonight!!

the reason i'm marching

I was 24 weeks pregnant to the day when I went to the doctor for nothing more than an "instinctual feeling" that something was wrong and light spotting. Once being examined, my doctor told me that I was going to be transported to the hospital by ambulance immediately. I was already 6cm dilated...apparently having contractions back to back...the doctor told me I should be hemorrhaging! I was rushed to the hospital where I was met with my husband. When I saw him come through the doors, I seriously think I may have heard a superhero theme song! I was so relieved to see him. Immediately upon arriving at Women and Infants hospital, I was connected with my triage nurse, and also a pediatrician who explained the risks associated with a baby born prematurely including the statistics of survival...etc. I was also treated with my first steroid shot which was given to help develop the lungs faster and a medication to slow down or stop my contractions. I was transported to the Labor Delivery floor where I received only the highest quality care from my nurses. I loved my nurses!! At such an uncomfortable time, they did everything they could to keep me as comfortable as possible. From the moment I was at the hospital, my bed was tilted so my head was lower than my feet in order to take pressure off the uterus. I couldn't imagine being in that position for 10 weeks but they encouraged me that I could do it and I felt hopeful! Being on the Labor Delivery floor, I can clearly remember the sounds of other babies entering the world. It was amazing to hear the rush of nurses, the holding breath, the cry of life, and the welcoming cheers. I could only pray that my son's entry would be as perfect! I spent only a few days in Labor Delivery and then they transferred me to floor 5, High Risk Pregnancy. I spent only a few hours on that floor. That night I tried to sleep but I was so cold with uncontrollable shaking. We called the nurse and she came and took my temperature and it was still normal so she gave me heated blankets to try to help me warm up. After a half hour or so I was still shaking and my temperature spiked during that short time...this unfortunately signified that there may be infection. The doctor came in and did an ultrasound checking the position of my baby and decided the best option would be an emergency c-section delivery. What happened next was a whirlwind of mixed emotion- fear, anticipation, hope, wonder, faith. It is hard to explain the heart of a mother during a time such as this. When Zachary came out all I remember is his little cry...it was quiet, but it was there and surged my heart with hope. My husband was so excited! He went over and watched the doctors working on Zachary with such speed and precision. We felt like our son was in the best hands medically possible. I didn't get to meet Zachary for the first time until several hours later. When I finally saw him, I was utterly amazed! By all standards, my son was a beautiful miracle of God!! I couldn't believe that all of this had happened and could not possibly explain why it happened; but we trusted in God's all-knowing control over our lives and truly believed that His plans were bigger than the plans we could ever prepare for ourselves. Zach had several nurses who became his friends...it felt so much better leaving your child with people who you trust! Zachary started out with the most unbelievable head start! We had no doubt that our son was a fighter...a champion even! Every day was a roller coaster ride of medical diagnosis and emotional upheaval. It is so difficult to watch your child whom you've dreamed so many dreams for and hoped so many things locked up in his "womb with a view" with no access to hugs or kisses...the feeling is so helpless for a parent. Zachary lived a life full of love and victory for 18 short days and then he truly was in the best hands possible. He now lives with his Maker in Heaven and rests in our Savior's loving arms while waiting for our reunion. Life isn't an easy thing to understand. Everyone at one point unwillingly surrenders themselves to a plan outside of their own control. Death is an even more difficult thing to understand, especially the death of a child. With all the mystery of life and death, there is always one thing that is certain: God knows the plan for our lives. He loves us and is in control of that plan. We unashamedly admit that our relationship with our Heavenly Father is the only thing that brings us peace at this time in our lives. We still wonder what is in store for our lives without Zachary, but continue to trust in His perfect will. We will always love Zachary...he remains forever in our hearts and in our thoughts daily. He will always be our first child; and we will always look forward to Heaven!

Among the extensive medical team that worked closest with Zachary- his favorite nurses, his Doctor and many other wonderful people at Woman and Infants- We are also thankful for the March of Dimes support team present at the hospital and for the work they are diving into to find the reasons for prematurity and the cure for it. The money donated to their cause is money that I believe is well-spent. Besides the research, they provide very practical things such as tiny clothing and hats, blankets, books to read to our babies during the countless hours of being beside an incubator, and tremendous emotional and educational support….I remember that when Zachary was ready to go to Heaven, the hospital provided a room for my entire family to spend time with him away from the medical alarms, and during that time the March of Dimes support team provided a beautiful buffet to make sure that we took care of ourselves by remembering to eat. That meant a lot to us.

Donating to this cause may not guarantee that your children or your grandchildren won’t end up in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit….BUT; it does guarantee one step closer to the day when all babies will be born healthy.

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139:13

Happy Birthday!

Welcome to the world, Ava Grace Tucker!!

Born December 1, 2008
7lbs. 4 oz. 20 in.

We waited to see your perfect face for so long now and you are finally here!

Here are some words used to describe Ava...PERFECT, PRECIOUS, LITTLE, WONDERFUL IN EVERY WAY, AWESOME, MIRACLE, SO COOL, LOVEABLE, KISSABLE...all of them fit so perfectly. She is each and everyone of these to the fullest extent!

Shaun and Ashley: I am so proud of you! It is not easy to wait for God's perfect timing, but you did it! Remember the journey and God's guiding hand through it all! I am so excited about your new little family of three!