"The deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able honestly to pray what He taught His disciples to pray:

'Thy Will Be Done'."

~Elisabeth Elliot

Saturday, April 11, 2009

healing.

What exactly is healing anyways? Is it moving on with my life? Is it forgetting the past? Is it when it doesn't hurt anymore?

I think I found a lot of healing within the last year or so. Based on the fact that I've accepted God's plan for my life...found peace through His Word and prayer...sought counsel from wise people...and have stopped asking "why?" and started asking "what does God want to use it for?"

I don't think that healing is any of those things presented in the questions above.

I could move on with my life...have another baby...never speak of what happened, but that doesn't mean I found healing. It doesn't mean that some days it won't hurt like crazy...or that I won't feel empty without him. It doesn't mean that I smile all day every day and never shed a tear for the little boy I will never know as a toddler, teen or young man.

When a wound heals, does it not leave scar?

1 comment:

Jacquelyn, Trevor's Mama said...

You're making me cry! So eloquently worded. I don't think that you shouldn't move on with your life, but I also definitely don't think you should come to a screeching halt. From what I've gathered you are far beyond where most grieving mothers will ever get. It will never not hurt. You will ALWAYS wish you had Zachary with you every day. And maybe I'm a hypocrite for giving you this speech, but you are a beautiful, wonderful woman; and you should, right now, live for yourself. Yes, even things that heal leave scars. The key is, learning to view those scars as beautiful; parts of who you are. I will pray for you. :-)